I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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