READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
