Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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