nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
