i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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