Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
