Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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