I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
