When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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