shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
