i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
