what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
