im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
