i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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