This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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