Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
