So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
