I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
