Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
