That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
