I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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