to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
