The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I want her autograph on my taint
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
