I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
