I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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