Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
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