Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
