i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
