Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
