hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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