I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
