my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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