Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
