So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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