Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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