legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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