so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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