so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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