i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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