mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
