Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
