nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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