I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
