shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
