Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
