Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
