Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
