And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
