Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
