I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
